The quest for explanations and shooting in the dark

As we are waiting to get started with IVF, I often wonder if the process will reveal something about the cause(s) of our infertility. Sometimes the need for some kind of explanation is overwhelming. Falling into the ‘unexplained’ category comes with it’s own particular challenges, because it leaves a wide-open space for never-ending speculation and increased feelings of uncertainty. Somehow I hoped or expected that the medical profession could at least provide answers (if not solutions). Instead it turns out that fertility experts are themselves navigating a world characterized by uncertainty and incomplete knowledge. Visualizing technologies and other tools of investigation and diagnosis deliver ambiguous results and images. There seems to be few ‘facts’ which are not mediated by interpretation. Sometimes the experts disagree. Sometimes they just have no clue.

So I continue searching for possible explanations with potential solutions wherever I can find them. Both google and the people around me seem more than willing to help with suggestions… with everything from ‘you just need to relax’ to recommendations for supplements, vitamins and alternative treatments.

One such aspect is the idea that maybe, just maybe, the problem and corresponding solution is to be found in some other realm than the physical. Most of the time I resist such ideas, but at other times I have also given in and decided to try this or that or the other. Just because I did not want my own resistance to stand in the way of us having a baby. What if… what if…

The last thing I tried was a healer. She came recommended by a good friend who has been seeing her for years. She told me that she does not really believe in it, but this woman has nevertheless helped her with many things over the years. I decided to try it in connection with the last IUI cycle. I went for two sessions with the healer. In the first session she ‘diagnosed’ me with too much stress, tension and tiredness. Too much thinking and too little ‘now’ and ‘earth’. My chakras were too ‘busy’ for me to get pregnant. I needed to just sit and look at the water and meditate. ‘Live like a Buddha’ she said. She told me that what I do, is not good for me and I said ‘yes I know, I just stopped’. Good, she said. And then she also thought my energy was blocked because of my mother, actually it seems to go all the way back to my grandmother. I needed to let it all go and ‘break the chain’, as she put it. She was ‘reading’ all this in my energy field and emotional body. But there were also positives. I am healthy and there is nothing wrong with me physically as far as she could tell. I am a ‘free bird’, have a good body and good energy, as she put it.

I went home quite confused. I thought I cleared up that stuff with my mum years ago. And besides, who has not got some kind of issue at some point in their relationship with their mother? The stress – yes she is absolutely right about that. I have just taken the plunge and left my job a month ago. For sure it was not good for me in many ways, but was it making me infertile? There are a lot of claims out there about the link between stress and infertility, but I wonder how much is actually scientifically proven and to what an extent it is just a myth. After all, women get pregnant and have children all the time under circumstances which are bound to be much more stressful than my work situation ever was.

I was to come back for another session the day before the insemination. In that session she continued the ‘clearing out’ in my energy flow and calmed those chakras of mine. After doing whatever it is she does, she told me that now I was ready. The chakras were now vibrating as they should, there were no blockages in my energy flow and everything was good. So all sorted and ready to get pregnant! I felt good of course as I was riding home on my bike through the sun-bathed streets of Amsterdam. I still didn’t quite know what to make of it, but at least I had now done something. Something which I had initially resisted. I had acted on my decision to be willing to try (almost) anything – even if it did not quite make sense in the rational part of my brain.

The rest is history. I didn’t get pregnant in that IUI cycle either. It was another shot in the dark. Another part of the never-ending quest for explanations with corresponding solutions.


7 responses to “The quest for explanations and shooting in the dark

  1. Yes indeed, people do get pregnant during stressful times 🙂 I was told be a very new agey type of person to do these things as well, meditate on my future baby, release the negative energy that was ‘polluting’ me blah blah blah. My response to her was that women got pregnant and gave birth during the PLAGUE. Talk about stress and negative energy!

    There are soooo many factors that have to line up exactly right in the making of a new human that it is amazing that any of us have healthy babies, if you think about it. My husband has wonky sperm, but nothing was done to help his sperm to ‘release his negative energy’ , we just did IVF with ICSI. You can probably put all the knowledge that the doctor’s have in a small pamphlet 🙂 check woman’s hormone levels, check man’s sperm, check woman’s uterus and tubes. Nothing wrong? Eh….we don’t have a clue. The fact is that they are JUST beginning to understand things like mitochondria, (that fuels the fertilization process), and things like ‘attack cells’ that live in some uteri that kill embryos and sperm. Even if they never find out why you can’t get pregnant it is probably one of those invisible factors, or a combination of them. Don’t give up!


    • Your comment made me think about that there does seem to be a tendency to aim most of the alternative fertility ‘treatments’ etc. at women and not men. Somehow it’s maybe still mainly the woman who is seen to be (or made to be) responsible for infertility by way of mysterious ‘energy blockages’ and ‘unbalanced chakras’ and what have you. Unless there is a clear problem with the sperm.

      It is indeed so little that is known about fertility problems at the moment and I guess that that in itself leaves a wide open space for all kinds of other types of interpretations and explanations.

      Thanks for the words of encouragement!:-)

  2. Bachelor's Button

    It is interesting. I think that stress may have something to do with conception and carrying. I have just had two rounds of IVF and both have had really different outcomes. The first I was working, the second I took time out from my job. It could be coincidence but I don’t think it is, that round two has been a lot more positive thus far.

    • I hope your second round of IVF is still going well!
      I do agree that stress is not a good thing for the body generally and I have myself decided to leave my job and just get off the ‘rat race’ for a while. I needed it on many different levels and I’m absolutely convinced that I will be in much better shape to cope with going through IVF now than if I was still as stressed out as I have been for a long time.
      I’m not sure though that my stress in itself can explain ‘unexplained infertility’ as in our case. It might have contributed, but there must be something else going on as well. Factors which are not currently known or understood.

      • Bachelor's Button

        Hi Irene

        I am having a strange time of it with round two of IVF. I am pregnant but have lost one twin, so am sitting in bed, trying to keep calm and waiting for the bleeding to subside.

        Taking time out of work I think has really made a difference. I had more embryos, two implanted and one is still in there ( I hope!)My blog shows you the varied history that I have had thus far with the joys of unexplained infertility. I really hope that evading the rat race helps you as I suspect that it has me.

  3. Congratulations on being pregnant, but I’m sorry to hear that you lost one twin. I hope things are better! What is the name/address of your blog? I can’t seem to link to it from your comment. I would love to read about your journey as well!

    • Bachelor's Button

      Hi Irene, Having been told that I had lost one twin, at a later scan they rediscovered it. I am on bedrest as bleeding a lot, but have reached 10.5 weeks now. My blog is a bit patchy – lots of bits missing and am trying to fill them in – but my blog is at so do read if you would like to. I don’t think I have any regular readers… I write it for me and also in the hope that it may give anyone who does stumble upon it a sense of being less alone on this tricky battle….
      Really hope that all is going well with you.

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