… says my pregnancy countdown as I’m writing this. My due date is tomorrow and we have decided to go with medical advice and accept induction at 40 weeks. Two days ago I went in for a second membrane sweep, but although it had been 12 days since the last attempt, there was no progress at all. It was impossible to do a sweep on me. My cervix is still tightly closed and the baby is not engaging at all. The doctor said they would have expected to see at least some development at this point, but since there is none it’s very unlikely to make any difference to postpone induction a few days or even their usual policy of 10 days past the due date for low risk (and non-IVF) pregnancies.
Basically there are strong indicators that I will need induction no matter what. So if there is only a very slim chance of any benefits to waiting, why take the risk and the worry. Especially since they do not actually investigate how well the placenta is working at this point. With this we feel at peace with the decision and in acceptance of intervention once again. Whatever it takes, whatever happens – it will all be worth it!!
In thinking about this over the last two weeks, I have come to realise that I’m not attached to any particular idea of a natural and idealised birth experience. I only care about the end result of holding a healthy baby in my arms, while of course hoping that the process to get to that point will go as smoothly as possible and involve as little distress as possible for both me and baby. But I would never even consider giving birth anywhere else than in a hospital and I trust the professionals there to deliver my baby safely by whatever means necessary. ‘Mother nature’ is also cruel and cannot necessarily be trusted. The millions of women and babies who have died and still die in childbirth in places and times with no access to medical help, is testament to that.
Personally all those years of infertility has taught me not to celebrate or have blind faith in ‘the natural way’ or be attached to any idea of ‘mother nature’ as a superior force. Of course I wish I could have gotten pregnant easily and naturally by making love to my husband rather than by way of doctors and IVF procedures in a hospital, but the reality turned out to be what it was. I no longer mourn that fact. It is what it is and my gratitude to modern medical science, and the intervention that got me pregnant, is limitless. The miracle of life is as amazing under these circumstances as in any other. Maybe even more so.
Tonight at 9pm I will be admitted to hospital to begin the induction process and I will stay there until the baby is out one way or another. It will be prostaglandin gel to start off with and probably a second dose later if nothing happens. Later again they might break the waters and eventually if labour is still not progressing they might put me on a syntocinon drip. They told me there is a risk that induction will fail and in that case a c-section will be considered. Thus prepared, we hope for the best while accepting to take each step as it comes and deal with whatever happens. In the end of the day no labour and birth is guaranteed to go smoothly. Anything can happen to any of us in that situation. Natural low risk labour can end up involving serious complications and drug-induced high risk labour can work out just fine. As with life in general you just never know what you’re gonna get!